National Love Your Pet Day (Feb 20) is right around the corner, and what better way to show your pet that you love them than by making them laugh? If your pets don't laugh at these jokes, try them out on your family and friends!
SMALL FURRY PET JOKES
What do rabbits eat for breakfast?
IHOP.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean.
How do you stop a mouse from squeaking?
Oil it.
What do you call a wireless mouse?
A hamster.
What is a guinea pigs favorite measure of time?
Wheeks.
Where do mice park their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.
How does a hamster pay its bills?
It uses its shavings account.
What do you call a guinea pig with three eyes?
A guinea piiig.
What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
The police had to comb the area.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backward?
A receding hare line.
REPTILES AND AMPHIBIAN JOKES
What happens to a toad's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What do you call an iguana who rhymes onstage?
A raptile.
What is a Bearded Dragon's favorite movie?
The Lizard of Oz.
What's a frog's favorite soda?
Croak-a-Cola!
Which kinds of snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.
What is the snake’s favorite subject?
Hiss-story.
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssside.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?
A pie-thon.
Why did the turtle cross the street?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
DOG JOKES
What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador.
What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite.
What is a dog's favorite city?
New Yorkie.
What is more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower.
What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?
A rocker spaniel.
How does a dog stop a video?
He presses the paws button.
Why does a dog wag its tail?
Because there’s no one else to wag it for him.
Where do you put barking dogs?
In a barking lot.
What does a frog eat with his hamburger?
French flies.
Why did the hot dog wear a sweater?
Because it was a chili dog.
What dog keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
What did the waiter say to the dog when he brought out her food?
Bone appetit.
What do you call a great dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog.
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
He stole the show.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
Terrier-fied.
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
CAT JOKES
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tale.
What did the cat on the smartphone say?
Can you hear meow?
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?
To the retail store.
Why don’t cats like online shopping?
They prefer a cat-alogue.
What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
One is a cat copy; the other is a copycat.
What is a cat’s favorite movie?
The sound of Mew-sic.
What is a cat’s favorite color?
Purrrr-ple.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice Krispies
There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, because they were copycats!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
FARM PET JOKES
A pony went to see the doctor, because it couldn't speak. What did the doctor say?
I know what's wrong. You're a little horse!
What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
Lost.
What kind of ties do pigs wear?
Pig sties!
What's the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What do you call it when Alpacas sing?
Alpacapella.
What did they alpaca say to the blade of grass?
Nice knawing you.
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because there was a KFC on the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show everyone he wasn’t chicken.
What did the alpaca say when asked to go on a road trip?
Alpaca my bags.
FISH JOKES
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish!
Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Why is a fish easy to weigh?
Because it has its own scales.
Why do hermit crabs never share?
Because they’re shellfish.
BIRD JOKES
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because it's too far to walk.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a pig?
A bird who hogs the conversation.
When is the best time to buy a budgie?
When they are going cheep.
What did the doctor tell the parakeet when it broke its leg?
Don't worry, it's tweetable.
What game do birds play with their babies?
Beak-a-boo.
UNUSUAL PETS
How do spiders communicate?
Through the World Wide Web.
How does a hedgehog play leap-frog?
Very carefully.
Don't have a pet of your own to joke around with on National Love Your Pet Day? There are lots of pets living at your local animal shelters who would love to hear your jokes. Contact a shelter near you to set up a time to visit.
